i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
