i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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