The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
