He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Terrible idea I love it
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
