hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he fucked my hip out of place.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
