I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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