i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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