would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
