Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
