If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
