If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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