I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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