just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
