My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
