I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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