i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
