just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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