Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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