i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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