it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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