i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
