I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
