What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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