I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
