So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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