woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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