once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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