I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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