I must be too annoying 4 u.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
