you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
