I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
