the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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