Your tits are I can't wait for
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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