Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
