We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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