I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
