I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
