Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
