I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
