Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
