do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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