I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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