rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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