idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
