So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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