I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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