im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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