your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
