You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We talked him into tasing himself.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
