I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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